striving

i yawn and stretch as the alarm sounds over and over. the soft sound grows louder in anticipation. get up, it tells me. then louder; get up!. and so i do. i get up and i put it out of it's misery.

my morning routine is incredibly typical. i shower and i shave and i wash and then i finally make myself leave the hot, stress relieving water, and i stand infront of a foggy mirror and wait and wait for it to clear.

by the time it does, i may as well be climbing back into bed again. it happens that quickly every single day. i wake up and i may as well be going right back to sleep.

i do not want it to be this way. sometimes i dismiss my morning classes only because i am so exhausted from the habit. if you were to ask me why i am failing i would reply

"i am failing because i was too busy making an attempt to stay sane. it didn't work."

it doesn't work. it would work if only i could continue the pattern. but then it too would become routine and if i must be suffocated by routine i'd rather it be one that i come out of with something. something such as a degree, i suppose. or at least a well rounded education that might assist some future something.