almost over. almost over. so close.

my senior year has brought me:

closer..
to friends
to life
to ty
to writing
to beliefs
to myself

fear..
of the future
of loans
of scholarships
of losing
them.
all of them.
of love
of living
of happiness
of contentment
of paint filled
water balloons
and powder colors
covered in rain

acceptance...
of who i am
and who i'll
become and
who i want
to be
of my families
current state
of my
relationship
of my past guilt
present guilt
future guilt
of the part
of my life
that i've wasted
of the part i am
wasting right
now
of the part that
i will never waste
of the fact that
i will have to
take out a student
loan
of summer jobs
of playing barbie
as the island princess
of my crazy friends
of their crazy boyfriends
of those who want so
badly to be something
important
but just don't
know how to get there

happiness
in my relationship
with ty
with my friends
with my family
with my self.
that's important
with my new choices
with my new unsettled
beliefs
with my current state
of
mind
with my soul
with my art
with my words

as it all starts to come into veiw...i realize that there are things that happened this year that will change my life forever. i never wanted to be the person who looks back and says that these "were the best days of my life" so i won't be. mainly because these are not the best days of my life. i refuse to let that be true, because i refuse to have that sucky of a life. but i will and can say that my senior year of high school has opened doors and windows and secret passage ways that i never knew existed. i know that from here i will only learn more. i will only get better. i will only be greater. my senior year wasn't the best. i won't even be here for graduation, but i can say that my senior year was a turning point. the part where i start over and over and over and never stop starting over because starting over means getting better and getting better means getting wiser and getting wiser means being read and that's all i want to be.

read.
read.
read.

that's it. always. that's all i have

ever.
ever.
ever.

wanted.